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When the Wrong Side Wins: How to Cope with the Trauma of the Unfair
Copyright 2008 Wilma Zalabak
Scriptures to Read: Dan 1; Rev 1
"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times," wrote Charles Dickens to introduce his A Tale of Two Cities. So it was in John's day when he wrote the book of Revelation. So it was in Daniel's day, also, when he wrote the book of Daniel.
Revelation's Tale of Two Cities
In John's day, "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times." Rome stood at its height as an empire. Jerusalem lay in ruins.
John had given his entire life and energies to his family, his church family. Now he was old and needed the comfort of the young ones around him. I hear his need for the respect and care they felt and showed to him. His very reason for living was bound up in this community which he had built.
Then the Emperor, in his program against Christianity, banished John to Patmos, an island housing other prisoners. A penitentiary is not necessarily a solitary place, but the other prisoners there were younger and stronger. They had no sweet memories of John's hard work, nor could they bring to his ears any of the familiar sounds or customs of Christianity which would have comforted his aged heart. It seems John was alone, apparently stripped of all that made life dear, at a very vulnerable time of his life. I think it wasn't fair.
In the midst of profound unfairness, how can a person survive?
John worshiped alone one Sabbath day. There was no temple for God's worship now. The temple at Jerusalem had been destroyed, the vessels taken as booty. The picture of Roman soldiers carrying away the Menorah, the seven-branched golden candlestick, can be seen immortalized in stone on Titus' arch of triumph. John worshiped alone, or so it might seem.
But God reversed that aloneness. John heard a voice, turned to look, and saw seven golden candlesticks and Christ walking among them. Apparently Jesus, John's dearest friend, gave John a vision which brought the vessels of the temple to him and left him no longer alone in his worship.
How can a person survive in the midst of profound unfairness?
John was a captive of Rome. Rome had a code name among the early Christians. They called Rome "Babylon" (1 Pet 5:13). I think that while John was all alone on Patmos, a captive in exile, thinking about the temple and Jerusalem, He turned to think of Daniel in similar circumstances in an earlier Babylon.
Daniel's Tale of Two Cities
In Daniel's time, also, "it was the best of times, it was the worst of times." Babylon stood at its height. Jerusalem lay in ruins. I will begin at the beginning of Daniel's story.
Daniel was a prince in line for royal position. Along with many an Israelite teenager, he hoped he might one day be the father of the Messiah. To that end, he prayed for a wonderful wife and kept himself in healthy condition.
Then came a very dark day for Jerusalem. Daniel's father? Likely killed in battle. His mother and servants? Who knows? His God? Well, the temple vessels were captured, too, taken as booty for another god (2 Chron 36; Jer 52). The golden candlesticks built by Solomon were carried away along with other portable temple treasures (Jer 52:19; 2 Chron 4:7; 1 Kgs 7:49).
With three young friends, and many other mere acquaintances, Daniel found himself bound by abusive hands and dragged off, away from the smoking ruins of his home. Surrounded by strange people, they traveled on, and on, and on. I think it wasn't fair.
But Daniel did survive, and I suggest that we, too, can survive profound trauma. Every person born on earth has experienced profound trauma. Think of the trauma of birth itself—vulnerability, loss, culture shock. Then there is the trauma of sin and death, certainly modified by the grace of God through Christ, but still profound in its effects for each of us.
How shall I survive? By copying Daniel's coping strategies.
Now, I recognize that some of you feel that the Bible is but a collection of myths. Perhaps to you even God is a myth. Please stay with me. Next session I will discuss some of the reasons I believe in the Bible. For now, all I ask is that you consider that the Bible, whether myth or not, has something helpful to say to the human sense of unfairness and trauma.
By copying Daniel's coping strategies, I can survive profound trauma.
The King's Provisions (Dan 1:5-7)
Arriving at the palace, tired, grimy, and hungry, the young captives found fancy bathing facilities and a place to rest. The king's provisions included his own training in wisdom, knowledge, understanding, and learning, his own gods to worship, and rich and rare food from his own table. Most of the other young men with Daniel bathed, ate, and napped.
I can hear Daniel and his three friends praying and crying together. They had each other, and every time they called to each other, the names sounded familiar, ringing with the name of their God. Look for the "el" in their names, which stands for "God," and the "iah," which stands for "Jehovah." The first parts of the names were comforting, too, reminding them that their God is "gracious," "helper," and "judge." Israelite names customarily reflected the parental intention to tie their children's developing identity to the true God.
Then the king changed their names, requiring that they be called after his own gods (Dan 4:8).
Devastation of home. Deportation from everything familiar. Castration as a eunuch, probably. Changed names. I think it wasn't fair.
How did Daniel cope? First, he kept what he could of the familiar. He kept his friends, his God, and he kept his name, at least when he wrote. That is why I have a book named "Daniel."
Sometimes in intense grief and anger, I might be tempted to make great changes in my surroundings, or to succumb to the changes thrust upon me by others. A widow, after her husband's funeral, might sell the house and all the furniture. Some people stop calling their friends or quit going to church. Sometimes I search for something new to save me from my pain, but nothing can.
On the other hand, when faced with profound unfairness, I try to keep what I can of the familiar routines. However, unfamiliar feelings like anger, sadness, guilt, and loneliness cry out to be dealt with. Some suggestions for dealing with the feelings are: think about it; write a letter, a journal, or a book like Daniel did; pray to God even if you are angry; talk with a safe friend; go ahead and feel the feelings; and really, it is ok to cry.
When faced with profound trauma—keep what I can of the familiar, and deal with the feelings in constructive ways.
Daniel's Purpose (Dan 1:8)
One thing Daniel determined immediately, that he would do all he could to keep his health. Perhaps he knew that rich food and wine could produce anything from pimples to flu to addiction. He purposed in his heart to find a way to continue the simple diet of the Hebrews—vegetables and water.
Daniel risked favor and even life to arrange a ten-day trial. I think ten days was time enough to compare their results with that of other captives. Tell me, about ten days after the Christmas holiday, how is most everyone in America? Lethargic, catching a cold, fighting a flu epidemic. Daniel and his three friends had none of this.
How did Daniel cope? He guarded his health. His first consideration in disaster was to do what he could to maintain his health despite the limitations, and he gained immediate benefits.
In intense grief and anger, especially in strange and forced situations, I might lose my healthful routines. In fact, I think the tendency lies within each human to seek some unhealthful drug to numb the pain. In Babylon's palace, food and alcohol were the drugs of choice. One can almost hear in Daniel's story the pressure of a food-centered American home where feelings will be hurt and motives distrusted or ridiculed if one member just says, "No." "Assimilate," they said. "Be like the rest of us."
But apparently Daniel decided not to be like the rest of them. Babylon's abuses would soon reach to merciless treatment of the poor (Dan 4:27) and to mocking the God of heaven (Dan 5:1-4). Babylon chose other gods, like drugs and power, and so felt no need of the true God. Daniel would keep himself separate from all Babylon's gods, and he chose to take his stand about food and alcohol. There were some things he could not change about his abusive situation; there were some things he believed he could change, and those he purposed in his heart to change by God's grace.
When faced with profound unfairness, as soon as possible I try to restore the healthful routines, or create some new ones for boosted physical, mental, and moral strength
When faced with profound trauma—keep what I can of the familiar, and guard my health.
God's Provisions (Dan 1:17, 20)
"Understanding" seems to be a unifying theme in the book of Daniel. By use of the words "understanding" and "wisdom," and other Hebrew synonyms, the idea of understanding appears more than seventy-five times in the book. The text says God gave Daniel understanding and wisdom, amazing capabilities in a court where wise men were revered. God's provisions proved much more useful than any king's provisions.
I hear the story plot called "reversal," and the element of irony even here in this first chapter. Reversal as a story plot includes "hangman hanged" stories and "victim's victory" stories, that is, stories in which roles and/or fortunes become exactly reversed. Irony as a figure of speech includes some sort of contrast between intention or expectation and the actual appearances or outcome.
In Dan 1, I hear the king thinking to teach these Hebrews wisdom and understanding (Dan 1:4), but in the end it was God who gave the wisdom and understanding (Dan 1:17), which turned out to be better than anything the king had in all his realm (Dan 1:20). The reversal turns on Daniel's decision (Dan 1:8). To make the structure clear the Hebrew words associated with understanding are all repeated at the end of the chapter as they were introduced at its beginning.
Since Daniel's name means "God is my judge," I have in the past posited "judgment" as the theme of the book. It is true that the Hebrew word for judgment, from which Daniel's name comes, appears predominantly in chapter 7, the hinge chapter of the book, as perhaps the clue to reversal. However, I now believe that "understanding" is the theme of the book, built around the reversal plot, which somehow could inform my ideas of judgment.
How did Daniel cope with profound trauma? He waited for God to work the reversal. "Waiting" is a hard word for me. I can grasp it better if I can say something to do during the wait. So I call it "quietness." I can practice quietness before God. While waiting Daniel also accepted the gifts God gave in the meantime. "Acceptance" is another hard word for me. I can make it tangible by practicing gratitude. I can draw up a gratitude list even when I do not feel grateful.
In the midst of intense pain, when any reversal for good seems distant or impossible, I could give way to frantic behavior which merely complicates the situation, or to deep depression which perpetuates and compounds the trauma on the inside.
On the other hand, when faced with profound trauma—I can practice waiting with acceptance. I can practice quietness and gratitude.
I can survive profound trauma by copying Daniel's coping strategies: keep what I can of the familiar, guard my health, and practice quietness and gratitude.
Another Tale of Two Cities
"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times." As I rode the train through a moonlit night and two bright white days from Chicago to Denver, I reviewed one of the largest decisions I had made in all my eighteen years. My future in Colorado looked grand in a lifetime commitment to mission for God. My past in Wisconsin with its dreams and accomplishments lay scattered and shattered behind me. In my youthful zeal, I never minded that the mission would require drastic changes in lifestyle and career.
I did not know how to survive profound trauma.
I did not keep what I could of the familiar. I gave away my clothes. I dropped my personal friendships. I renounced all my achievements and the goals God had placed within me. In whatever ways the mission hinted of need, I felt compelled to give.
I did not guard my health. My need for some amount of solitude was not respected, so I took my solitude out in the mountains at night instead of sleep. At the table I found jealousy and control, so I avoided the table, fasting for long periods of time. With lack of training, help, and equipment, I put in many days of nearly twenty-four hours' work. I lost my health.
Neither did I succeed in practicing quietness and gratitude. The leaders at that mission project prized gratitude. Any time I began to face the injustices, I was reminded that a lack of gratitude proves that the primary problem resides inside me. With guilt like that laid on me, I did not have much quietness, waiting, and trust before God.
I gave all my life in seven years. I know what the bottom is like. Physically, socially, emotionally, spiritually, and economically, I have been to the bottom. When I left that mission project, I had decided that it was better to live and wander than to keep a stable death.
Recently information has surfaced that shows that the policies of that mission project had harbored and nurtured immense deception and injustice among its leaders. I think it wasn't fair.
But God has worked reversal for me. He first taught me to keep what I can of the familiar, guard my health, and practice quietness and gratitude. Then He created the miracles to restore my physical, social, emotional, spiritual, and economic health. And, given the events that have followed those mission leaders, I would not trade places with them now for anything.
Well, I cannot tell you why injustices happen, nor even how to right them. I can only tell you that God is sovereign, that He and He alone is the God of reversal, the righter of wrongs, the evener of the score. "Daniel" means "God is my judge."
I can tell you that I am not sovereign in my life. I can tell you that the things I grasp to fix my inner sense of not-rightness turn into bondage and addiction. I can tell you that I am powerless to work my own deliverance and healing. But "Daniel" means "God is my judge."
For me, peace has come in letting go of my demands for answers, letting go of my other gods to fix me. Peace has come in quietness before the sovereignty of God. Quietness will help me wait. Perhaps this quietness before the sovereignty of God represents a crumb of that understanding which God gave to Daniel.
When John worshiped alone God gave him a vision of Christ to comfort him. Sometimes when I'm feeling alone, I find that just reading the book of Revelation can serve for me as that vision of Christ to comfort me. The picture of Christ given in Rev 1 clearly views Him as sovereign, His hand holding angels (Rev 1:16,20), His feet walking among the churches (Rev 1:13,20), and His name sounding the boundaries of time and speech (Rev 1:8,11).
Someone says, "So, reversal came for John and Daniel and you, Wilma, but where is mine? God came through for John; God came through for Daniel; but He never comes through for me. You have shown me how to survive profound trauma, but I want more than mere survival—I want recovery!"
Indeed I must have recovery else vengeance and abuse will continue, passed on from generation to generation in hopelessly recurring cycles. So let me introduce you to the First Law of Human Recovery, which actually sums up this first session quite well. I think God Himself gave this law of recovery, and those that accompany it in Exod 20, because He knew I would need them.
The First Law of Human Recovery, paraphrased from Exod 20, is this: "We have tried other gods, or saviors, and found them all powerless and hopeless."
I have tried quick changes. Perhaps I have tried food, alcohol, other drugs, sex, work, power, control, and even "I can handle it." My relationships got all twisted because I wanted people to fix me.
If you have tried any of these gods and still felt powerless and maybe hopeless, you are reading the right Book! I tell you from experience. That recognition of my powerlessness, that quietness before the sovereignty of God, is the one human pose which will let in understanding and recovery!
"We have tried other gods, or saviors, and found them all powerless and hopeless."
Next time I will tell you about knowing the future and finding hope in God.
How to Cope with the Trauma of the Unfair:
1. Keep What I Can of the Familiar
2. Guard My Health
3. Practice Quietness and Confidence
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